Life

I used to know who I am. I used to know who I wanted to be. Now, I'm not so sure. This confusion was supposed to come when I was in high school. Why the delay?  Maybe this is my mid-life crisis. Hmmm... well whatever happens happens.

As of right now I'm just gonna go with the flow and see where it leads. However, since I am me, whoever that might be, I'm coming up with a plan. This I know is something I do. I am going to re-learn French and be fluent in the language by the end of the year. And since thinking in school years is another thing I do this means that by June 30th 2011, I will be able to write an entire blog post in French, a grammatically correct blog post entirely en francais.

almost defeated...

I haven't posted anything in a while because I've been busy studying for the MCAT, thinking about studying for the MCAT or convincing myself that I should be studying for the MCAT.

At this point, I am not studying for the MCAT. I am, however, freaking out about the Phsyics II class I am taking. Today was the third class and I am completely lost! I found it hard, in fact, IMPOSSIBLE to comprehend what the professor was lecturing about, and I have a test tomorrow. I have put off taking this class for 4 years because I knew it's not one of my strong points but now I'm thinking I might have to change my career and life plans because of this stupid class! Why on earth do I need to know any Physics?!

I am so frustrated now. I just want to go to sleep and pray that when I wake up this will all go away.

I would drop the class and go to plan B (skip medical school and be a physician assistant) but I can't tell my parents that I'm going to waste over $1,000 (it's too late to get a refund for the class and I already paid for my MCAT too...).

What am I going to do?

I need a tutor and some help from God realllllly bad!

:'(

Wrong choice?

Choosing to hide away and not deal with problems is usually a bad choice. But in some cases hiding/shying away could be the solution to the problem.

I'm still not sure as to wheter or not this is a bad choice. I have decided that in order to bring this falling back in love with mon ami to to an end I should also halt our friendship, in other words I'm avoiding him as much as possible so I won't be reminded of how awesome he is. However, I don't think this is a good approach since I still have to see him everyday and he's been so wonderful to me I don't want to be mean to him but I can't seem to pull off this avoiding him thing without being a bitch.

What should I do?!!!

I need help!!!

*why couldn't I still just be in love with the idea of being in love?

I am so confused :- {

So... I tried to post a blog last night and that didn't go so well. I'm kinda guessing it was a sign, seeing that I no longer feel that way...I think. I swear I'm on some crazy roll-a-coaster, this minute in head-over-heels in "like" and the next I'm freaking out because I'm "SURE" this won't work. I guess I'm so scarred from things from the past that I can't move on. There's no form of "coco butter" that seem to be able to get rid of the scars. I really want to forget all that happened and start over but everytime I try something happens that reminds of all the pain.

Last night this was what I was thinking:

" I am soooooo happy. I'm speechless... but this song explains what I'm feeling..."

IF YOU ASKED ME TO (Celine Dion)

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It's been a long time since I've had that feeling
I could love someone
I could trust someone
I said I'd never let nobody near my heart again darlin'
I said I'd never let nobody in

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you asked me to

Somehow ever since I've been around you
Can't go back to being on my own
Can't help feeling darling since I've found you
That I've found my home
That I'm finally home
I said I'd never let nobody get too close to me darling
I said I needed, needed to be free

(But if you asked me to)

Asked me to, I will give my world to you baby
I need you now
Ask me to and I'll do anything for you baby, for you baby
If you asked me to
I'd let you in my life forever
If you asked me to

*END LAST NIGHT'S POST*

I was actually hoping he would ask me to... but now... I'm so ready to run away so even if he wants to he won't be able to find me.

Now, what I'm thinking is closer to this... (in my own words)

It's so hard for me to open up,
Sad to say, but I've already given up.
I can't believe that this could be,
How could you really be in love with me.

*end thoughts... *