sigh...

Everyone seems to be afraid of falling in love and (and/or) allowing someone to fall in love with them.

Have we gotten to the point that we are all scared to death of a broken heart? Or is it that people just don't care anymore. Is it both?

Being in love can be a very wonderful thing. Those that are truly in love, or have been in the past will tell you about the intensity of the joy that it brings. They will explain that it is like none other. Having your heartbroken by the one you love seems to have an even greater impact. It brings you so close to the ground that many wish they could just seep under without anyone even noticing because you'd rather go without being thrown a 'pity party'.

It seems that after being in love and experiencing its pleasure, then being forced to deal with the pain of having the love taken away, no one wants to take the chance of allowing themselves to feel the bliss of being in love as a result of the fear of being thrown back into a state of despair.

I've heard it said many times before ,"once bitten, twice shy", this seems to be the theme of people who have loved and lost. But what about " if at first you don't succeed, brush yourself off and try again".

you

i want you

only you

i keep coming back to you

what is it with you

i guess its just you being you

i love you

blogging...

if you have been reading my blog for awhile you will know that there are 2 guys that I have very strong feelings for, they are both 2 of my best friends (they know about each other but don't know each other...) and that i seem to fluctuate between the 2. crappy life, i know.

in the past 2 days i've had 'serious talks' with both of them.

friend #1 said we'll only be friends.

friend #2 basically said deny God and i'll marry u.

FML

during the convo with friend # 1 he was describing the guy i should give my heart to, the guy that will do good to me. all roads led to friend # 2.

i dont know why i'm blogging or what i'm saying. but i do know that God and I will be talking abt this as soon as I get to heaven.

till then i'm gonna keep on believing that God has someone in store for me, like friend #2 described "just like me (talking abt himself...) but religious".

Its time....

What do you do when the one thing you need to do is the one thing you don't want to do?

How can you let go when all you want to do is hold on?

I really do LOVE SEX!!!

I've thought about it, dreamt about it, read about it, talked about it with my friends but I can't talk about it with the one I should be able to.

Just like a lot of people my age, sex is one of my fave topics :-) After all it is quite interesting. It's all over, EVERYTHING can be related to sex. Its like ... I don't know... it's hard to explain.

This is a weird post... why am I talking about this? sigh....

Well, I can say anything to my friends and not feel 'weird' about it. But I tried to talk about it with... yeh him... and I acted like a freaking 6th grader (from the days when I was in the 6th grade, not these days). How embarassing!

I also have a phobia of kissing, I'm 20! Isn't that weird?

I think I have intimacy issues...

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midnight thoughts of you....

untitled

to love and be loved is the greatest feeling ever
it takes you to the top of the highest mountains
and throws you down into the deepest valleys
but when all is said and done
theres nothing that can compare
to the feeling i feel

whenever you are here.

NJ.

Have You Ever Been In Love?

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

- Neil Gaiman

Have You Ever? - Brandy

Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right

Have you ever,have you ever?

...

Have you ever been in love

Been in love so bad

You'd do anything to make them understand

Have you ever had someone steal your heart away

You'd give anything up to make them feel the same

Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart

But you don't know what to say

And you don't know where to start?

...

Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right

Have you ever,have you ever?

...

Have you ever found the one

You've dreamed of all your life

You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes

Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to

Only to find that one won't give their heart to you

Have you ever closed your eyes and

Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care?

...

Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right

Have you ever,have you ever?

...

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby

What do I gotta say to get to your heart

To make you understand how I need you next to me

Gotta get you in my world

'Cuz baby I can't sleep

...

Have you ever?

Voices in my head

I will never forget the night we met. I remember all the details, every tiny detail.

I remember what I was wearing, what I was thinking, and the music in the background.

I remember thinking how angry I was because I didn't get to go the exhibition in the city, I also remember my mother telling me that every disappointment is for a good reason and may turn out to be something great. I guess it's true... mother knows best.

I can still remember arguing with myself about wheter or not to put on lipgloss...*smile*... I'm sure glad I did.

I remember the smile the crept upon my face when you first walked in the room.

I remember my heart beating faster...

I remember the voices in my head
voice 1: "Hmmm... not bad"
voice 2: "Damn... so fine!!!"
voice 3: " Ya'll need to get a life!!!"
voice 4: " Oh Lord, here we go again"
voice 5: " I could fall in love tonight..."

I don't think you know, but I saw you staring at me.

I remember becoming so sick from all the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach when our eyes finally met. I still regret looking away. I wish I had stared into your beautiful brown eyes... even for a second longer.

When it was time for me to go I remember praying that I could stay longer.

I remember wanting to touch you, hold you...

It was like magnet.

I was drawn to you.

And now that my wish has come true, and we are together.

I thank God for the night we met.

I thank God for the short time I spent with you and the hope of being with you again.

I thank God for all the sleepless nights I now have because I'm up talking to you, and that I can't fall asleep when we finally say goodnight.

I thank God for your friendship and love.

I thank God for you.