It's so hard to let go once your heart is convinced you are in the right. Even if all logic tells you there's nowhere to go but deep down in that dark place where loneliness, sadness and pain lives. Once you are overcome with emotion, emotion so deep it has physical symptoms, it's almost impossible to give up without fighting for what you want, what you believe in. You no longer worry about how broken you will be if you don't succeed. You no longer think about how empty you will feel. All that matters is giving it your all.

Enjoy the moment, don't think about the past or worry about the future. Enjoy the here and now. This is your life, live it so that when all is said and done you won't be left with the thought of 'what if'.

God has a plan for all of us, and he promised it would be for good. Think on that.

Random thoughts 09/10

• I love hiking! Who would've thought I was an 'outdoorsy' kinda girl!?
• I miss my long, red hair. Since I can't let my hair grow in 30 mins I'm gonna have to just be satisfied with short,red hair.
• Good friends are hard to find but once you've found them your life will never be the same. (btw, I miss you Scotchie)
• I am now a working girl! for a while anyway...
• Medical school applications are so much stress!
• I still love my life no matter how screwed up some moments may be.
• God is ALWAYS good!

Life

I used to know who I am. I used to know who I wanted to be. Now, I'm not so sure. This confusion was supposed to come when I was in high school. Why the delay?  Maybe this is my mid-life crisis. Hmmm... well whatever happens happens.

As of right now I'm just gonna go with the flow and see where it leads. However, since I am me, whoever that might be, I'm coming up with a plan. This I know is something I do. I am going to re-learn French and be fluent in the language by the end of the year. And since thinking in school years is another thing I do this means that by June 30th 2011, I will be able to write an entire blog post in French, a grammatically correct blog post entirely en francais.

The things we do for the ones we love.

I have to start working out and cut out my excessive consumption of cheese before my brother starts to disown me. He keeps complaining that I'm getting too fat. It's true. As a result of his constant badgering I have started the Jullian Michaels 30-day shred program (I'm on day 2) even though I'm not a fan of Jullian Michaels. I am so appalled at a comment she made a couple months ago about not wanting to have a baby because she doesn't want to be fat! Seriously?! She's so superficial and selfish!  Anywho, I have heard her program works so I'm giving it a try. Let's see if I can really lose 20 lbs in 30 days. I will be happy with 10 lbs because I don't know how the whole giving up cheese thing is gonna work out... Wish me luck!

Shameless

My room is overflowing with clothes and shoes and still I can't find anything to wear! This is crazy! I need a bigger closet. I also need to get rid of the clothes I don't wear anymore and will never wear again. And then... I need to go shopping :)

Random thoughts.

Was just browsing old posts and saw some where I wrote down random thoughts, those were the best depiction of my psyche at that time in my life. I think I will make a practice to post random thoughts at least once per month. Starting today.

1. First and foremost, GOD IS STILL GOOD!!!

2. Sadly, men still SUCK!

3. Chilling in your workout clothes after working out is gross. (heading to the shower as soon as I get done with this).

4.Twitter is as bad as I thought it would be. Possibly worst.

5.Ladies, your man will NEVER truly understand you. Deal with it.

6. Blogging is still therapeutic.

7. Yep, I still love him! (mon ami)

Eminem ft.Rihanna LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE

(chorus)

Just gonna stand there

And watch me burn

But that's alright

Because I like

The way it hurts

(it's not ok. i can't stand the way it hurts.)

Just gonna stand there

And hear me cry

But that's alright

Because I love

The way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is

I can only tell you what it feels like

And right now there's a steel knife

In my windpipe

I can't breathe

But I still fight

While I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right

It's like I'm in flight

High of a love

Drunk from the hate

It's like I'm huffing paint

And I love it the more that I suffer

I sufficate

And right before im about to drown

S[he] resuscitates me

S[he] fucking hates me

And I love it

Wait

Where you going

I'm leaving you

No you ain't

Come back

We're running right back

Here we go again

It's so insane

Cause when it's going good

It's going great

I'm Superman

With the wind in his bag

She's Lois Lane

But when it's bad

It's awful

I feel so ashamed

I snap

Who's that dude

I don't even know his name

I laid hands on her

I'll never stoop so low again

I guess I don't know my own strength

You ever love somebody so much

You can barely breathe

When you're with them

You meet

And neither one of you

Even know what hit 'em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling

Yeah them chills

Used to get 'em

Now you're getting fucking sick

Of looking at 'em

You swore you've never hit 'em

Never do nothing to hurt 'em

Now you're in each other's face

Spewing venom

And these words

When you spit 'em

You push

Pull each other's hair

Scratch, claw, bit 'em

Throw 'em down

Pin 'em

So lost in the moments

When you're in 'em

It's the rage that took over

It controls you both

So they say it's best

To go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know ya

Cause today

That was yesterday

Yesterday is over

It's a different day

Sound like broken records

Playin' over

But you promised her

Next time you'll show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game

But you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave

Out the window

Guess that's why they call it window pane

Now I know we said things

Did things

That we didn't mean

And we fall back

Into the same patterns

Same routine

But your temper's just as bad

As mine is

You're the same as me

But when it comes to love

You're just as blinded

Baby please come back

It wasn't you

Baby it was me

Maybe our relationship

Isn't as crazy as it seems

Maybe that's what happens

When a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is

I love you too much

To walk away though

Come inside

Pick up your bags off the sidewalk

Don't you hear sincerity

In my voice when I talk

Told you this is my fault

Look me in the eyeball

Next time I'm pissed

I'll aim my fist

At the dry wall

Next time

There will be no next time

I apologize

Even though I know it's lies

I'm tired of the games

I just want her back

I know I'm a liar

If she ever tries to fucking leave again

I'mma tie her to the bed

And set the house on fire

And so the story begins...

Woke up, turned off the fan, pulled the sheets over my shoulders and went to back to sleep. I picked up right where I left off before the chill of the air in my room distracted me. My dream continued to feed the hunger in me. For a second I thought it was real. I could feel you, smell you, taste the sweetness of your lips as they grazed mine. I fell deeper. I could see the love in your eyes. My lips curved into a smile. You pulled me closer. I could feel your heart beating in sync with mine. I am asleep, but not completely. I am thinking about how disappointed I will be when I am finally awakened to reality. I fight these thoughts off. Trying to stay in this moment, with you, forever. I can now hear the rain pelting on the roof. Music coming in through the slightly opened door. The struggle is harder. I don't want to leave. Don't want to let you go. Why aren't you fighting with me? Help me! Why are you letting go? Don't let go...

ahhhhhhhhhh... sea breeze

VACATION OFFICIALLY STARTS ON FRIDAY!!!!! WOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Since school ended I've been on 'staycation', which is fun, but as hermit-like as I am excited to leave my haven and go mingle with people for a while. I'm even more excited said mingling gets to take place in Florida. Did I hear something about white sand beaches and hot half naked guys? What a life :)

While on vacation though I have work to do. I need to resist eating meat! It has been sooo easy to resist since I quit eating meat 3 weeks ago (just felt like it) but now that jerk chicken and curry goat is in the picture I'm starting to think I'm gonna need some help staying on track.

Also, I plan on beginning a workout routine while in Florida. If hot girls in bikinis and hotter guys staring at them with googly eyes can't get me motivated nothing will.

It feels so good to blog again. I should visit more often. I know I keep saying that... damn facebook!

Anywho, next time I'll try to sound more intelligent :)

Peace!

"If you care about someone, you need to tell them. You need to show them. Otherwise, you might never get the chance. Every once in a while God winks at you."

- Total eclipse of the heart.

Try to love again

Lately, I've been retracting and picking up some of my old habits. Before, you sigh the sigh that says "she has failed" hear me out. I have started writing again, listening to love songs and singing out loud to anyone who wants to listen, watching romantic comedies, working out at least once every 2 weeks (great improvement!), wearing what I want regardless of how others might perceive me and most importantly giving my pillow the loving it that it deserves. I'm no longer angry. No longer wishing things were different. I am happy. I like this. I like dreaming about what's to come while I enjoy what is already here.

Thank God for romantic movies!

If you haven't seen these movies I think you should

5.It's Complicated

4. Enchanted

3. Maid in Manhattan

2. Before Sunset

1. Before Sunrise (I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!!)

*Soundtrack*

First cut is the deepest- Sheryl Crow

Children's Thoughts on Love

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something,
but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
... Manuel, age 8

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
...Greg, age 8

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with
how you smell...that's why perfume and deodorant is so popular."
...Mae, age 9

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat.
French fries usually works for me."
... Bart, age 9

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention,
but attention ain't the same thing as love."
... Alonzo, age 9 "

When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down
and they don't get up for at least an hour."
... Wendy, age 8

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't
already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
...Anita, age 8

"I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it,
but it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it."
...Michael, age 8

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ...
Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."
... Natalie, age 9

"I'm not rushing into being in love.
I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
...Regina, age 10

*I found this somewhere on the web. Don't you just LOVE children!*

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU AND YOURS

No worries

1. Tomorrow I have my first post rotation exam and I haven't read one page of notes yet, and I'm not worried. I don't think it can be that bad. After all its pass/fail, I just need a 75 :)
2. I have a new hair color, REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT!
3. It's almost Valentine's day and this year unlike last year and the year before and the year before that, I'm not gonna boycott the festivities. I think it's time for a change. So I'm gonna buy my family and friends roses and chocolate (the day after when they go on sale... no need to over do things).
4. Four months til graduation!!!
5. LIFE IS GOOD!!!

HOPES AND DREAMS

persianflower10:

because there is no mr darsey

i seriously wanna be liz bennett

Sent at 9:16 PM on Thursday

me: how abt u be '*******'

and find a nice guy?

huh?

wouldnt that be better

1st of all liz is poor...

darsey is socially retarded

and he is NOT good looking

persianflower10: darseeeeey is amazing

everyone has their faults

me: although in the last scene he is dreamy

persianflower10: darseeeeey is amazing

whatttever

me: only because he has love in his eyes

persianflower10: awwwwwwwwwwww

i know he does, doesnt he?

so damn sweet

*** this is what romantic movies does to young girls. now my dear friend wants mr.darsey, a fictional character. sad. very sad.***

hIgH

I have been trying to do my nails with smudging them for almost 2 weeks now; after over 50 attempts I am yet to have a perfect manicure. It's starting to be very depressing.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I have started my rotations and I'm super excited! Being in the lab is sooooo much fun! I could totally be a medical technologist, but I still want to move on to medical school.

ON AN EVEN BRIGHTER SIDE, I have a new crush, I think, a very illegal crush. He is in high school... FAIL... I'm going to jail (that rhymes) but he is sooooo cute and adorable. I spend my time in church admiring him. Yes I said church. Don't judge me. LOL

As you might be able to tell I'm a little high tonight. I guess it's from sniffing all that nail polish.

Have a great night peeps!

Single girl new years resolution

This year my new year resolution was not to make one so i wouldn't fail. Guess what? I failed at that too! sigh... so here is my new years resolutionS (lots of them) for this year. And not surprisingly they have to do with finding a man. how lame is that? fail again.

1. Join a co-ed softball team.
2. Never leave the house wearing sweatpants.
3. Use eye cream every single night!!
4. Apply more SPF.
5. Don’t go grocery shopping in big, baggy shirts.
6. Wear high heels more often.
7. Smile!
8. Drink less.
9. Eat less junk.
10. Say yes to being set up.

11. Say no to men who are only out for themselves.

12. Don’t waste more than one date on a bad prospect.

13. Pursue hobbies.
14. Exercise more.
15. Read more books.
16. Don’t date anyone under 28 or 29. (under 25 for me)
17. Stop looking at the 21-year-olds. (sigh... )
18. Borrow a dog and go to a dog park.
19. Work on savings, 401K, etc.
20. Learn to cook (argh).
21. Keep my room clean.
22. Try another dating web site.
23. Move to the suburbs where guys want to settle down.
24. Be sweet and don’t criticize men.
25. Stop cracking knuckles.

I'm adopting this list. lol. everything that is bolded and in red is what i'm gonna do.

* this is borrowed from a blog on yahoo by Erin Meanley*